I think for too long I've hidden behind that fact that I don't watch pornography, I stay away from racy movies usually, I don't read romance novels (ones that aren't Christian anyways... and even then...) and thus I am doing everything I can to try to work on lust.
This morning, however, I had a conversation with a friend and I said, "Abba, how can I help this friend. She's hurting, how can I help?" And then He slapped me upside the head... He's good at that...
So here I am looking at myself and going I feel so dirty. And I don't want to. How do I head this off? How do I fix this? The first thing I realized was that I needed to be honest with myself. Why do I feel the need to feel sexy?
Yeah I did some reading up on this, and some mental conversations with Abba, and then it kind of hit me. I want to know that I'm worth something. I want to know that I'm beautiful. I want to feel like that beautiful princess from some crazy fantasy story whose beauty is marvelled by all, and some prince comes from a distant land to come save me from a dragon and take me away to some far off castle and....
I'm rambling... I think you get the picture though. As women we want to be wanted. It says so even if you look in the Bible. During the Fall God told Eve that she would want to be wanted. Genesis 3:16 "... Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you." Isn't it true? We all want men, or just that one man, to long for us, to desire us, to find us irresistible. And especially in today's society, we are told as women that it is our right to feel sexy, to be desired by men.
I don't know about you but I realized something. I don't want to be idolized as "sexy". I don't want to be idolized as the embodiment of sex. No! That totally ruins everything I want in a relationship. I don't want my husband to just think I'm sexy, I want him to think I'm beautiful, and strong and PURE. But most of all, I don't want to make him lust after me...
All this talking about girls who make men lust after them, and then the argument that men should be able to handle themselves in the Christian community has kind of been a topic I've heard for a long time. But I think that what we forget is that yes, we as women can dress nice, maybe with some curve hugging clothing, but we should think about what we're wearing. Is this clothing going to attract a lot of male attention, and do I really want all of that attention? I've decided...
No I don't.
Also, the way we talk can be just as harmful to ourselves and our brothers in Christ. I often grew up with guy friends and threw in the innuendo and let my mind fall into the gutter... I've said things that were that sort of sexual/fun flirting that's still kind of goofy. I thought it was innocent and just in fun, but now with my significant other especially, I'm realizing that I'm leading him to lust, which then in turn leads me to lust. Not healthy and not fair to either one of us.
I'm tired of longing to look like that girl or that model or that actress because I think it will make me feel more "desirable". I'm tired of trying to dress so I'll get compliments from boys when I'm in a relationship and his opinion of me is the only one I actually care about. I'm done... finished!
Right here, right now, I'm taking a stand (with one of my friends)... I'm fasting from lust, and the things that could tempt me to lust...
Here's the list...
1. No movies with anything sexual. Including men taking their shirts off, women in provocative clothing, making out... nothing like that... nothing in which sex and "sexualness" is idolized.
2. Same goes for TV, we're going to cut back on TV and Internet in general but no crime shows, no L.A. Ink, nothing like that. We are sticking to Disney Channel and cartoons and food network and travel channel and remodeling/decorating/home and garden shows... this is gonna be a tough one... oh and the oddball show like Merlin... we can watch Merlin.
3. No music videos, no MTV (unless they are Christian).
4. No music unless it is Christian, including secular music from a Christian band.
5. No jokes about sex, no sexual innuendos...
6. We are going to consciously think about make-up/clothing/ hair and think about if we are dressing this way to get attention from the male species, and try to re-define how our brains work... which is gonna be... well... REALLY difficult haha
This is my stand to break from the mold of lust and sex... bring it on! I've got God on my side.
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