Wednesday, October 10, 2012

YELLING... and abuse...

So I recently read an article on Yahoo!, and it seems to be popping up a lot lately. The article is called "The Danger of Yelling at Your Kids..." (it has a longer title and I decided to just link you to the actual article... because I'm lazy.) Anyways, it's an interesting article, and I assume most people would agree that yelling at a child all the time is grossly inappropriate and abusive. However, looking at the study, and the effects, I was struck by something.

The article says, "...parents who express a lot of anger in front of their kids end up with less empathetic children. These kids are more aggressive and more depressed than peers from calmer families..."

Wait, hold the phone. Did they just secretly look at my life?!

I'll admit it, I'm very apathetic to most situations, things don't phase me like they do other people. Often I've been asked why I'm not more upset about something, and I can't explain it. I'm just not. I tend to hold things in, but not only that, I often feel little or no emotion and then realize Sam, what it your problem?! Why aren't you more upset about this? This is a BIG deal. Do you have a serious wall up? Do you need a therapy session?!

Sometimes it really bothers me, and other times it's a blessing. I can keep cool in stressful situations.

But then there's my extreme aggression and depression...

For years, my first reaction to anything that I didn't like was to hit. And hit HARD. Nobody messed with me growing up because they were terrified of me. Kids that grew up with me would tell other kids in High School that they should leave me alone because I would kick their butt (even though I had stopped hitting when I was like a freshman in High School.) But seriously... my first reaction still is that I want to punch someone. That I want to scream at them at the top of my lungs. That I want to get in their face and threaten them until they pee their pants.

I've learned to hold that back as I've gotten older. To stop the initial thought before it gets very far and say CHILL! This isn't a big deal. Take a deep breath and talk calmly.

But I'm still a very aggressive person. Ask anyone. Well anyone who has known me very long. I like confrontation, I like being honest, I won't hold back when someone asks for an opinion, and I protect my friends with my life. Do I blow up and start cussing and throwing punches? Not anymore. But if it came down to protecting a friend from someone hurting them? I would go all Gracie Hart on them.

I also really struggle with depression. It's no secret, it's a huge struggle in my life. And has been since I was young. Have I attempted suicide? Yes. Am I still here? Obviously. God has always protected myself from my own worst enemy, me.

But someone who is apathetic, depressed, and aggressive? Not a good mixture for my social life or my soul. God has worked in me a lot through and since High School to show me the damage that a loud and abusive home can cause. Are my parents horrible? No. Have they made their mistakes? Yes. Will I learn from them? Of course! Will I yell at my kids at some point? Probably. But I will try my very hardest to not to, and I will definitely apologize for yelling. Because no one likes to be yelled at. Especially children.

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