Saturday, October 13, 2012

When Your Spirit Gets Too Weak...

I don't know how many of you have actually seen the show Touched by an Angel, but it happens to be one of my favorite shows. It's absolutely fabulous how God can speak to me with that show, and tonight, he's done just that. I've been struggling lately with feeling completely inadequate in all areas of my life from some people wiser and older than I. I'm not used to this kind of response, so it's been a little bit of a shocker for me, and I think with all of the craziness of the past couple of weeks, I think it's just kind of compounded... a lot...

So as I've slowly fallen further and further into the dark pit of depression, feeling myself being an empty, numb, shell of a person, I've been thinking why exactly I'm struggling so much. Part of this is what I discussed above, the other part I think is that many people have been bent on telling me, "You're sick!" and then told me what I should be doing about an incurable disease that may have shortened my lifespan drastically. All I can think about is that, I don't really want to think about this. I don't want to think about being sick, or that I may not live till I'm 40. I want to be living! ALIVE! I want to be living for God and his kingdom, working for his glory. Trying to get my degree, and looking at all the blessings he's given me. And all I keep hearing is how is your diet going? How is your illness? I know people are concerned, but honestly I don't think about it as much. And I want people to not think that it's nothing, it's a serious illness, but once they know, I want them to just move on like I do. I know some people can't, and I shouldn't blame them, but it just irritates me and makes me think about the fact that Satan is winning.

But I won't let him win! I refuse! And that's what the Lord showed me tonight by having me listen to a simple song. It was on a Touched by and Angel, and I really loved the song. It's by PlusOne, an old 90s boys band and it's called When Your Spirit Gets Too Weak...

We beg to borrow
We beg to steal
We beg forgiveness
We beg to feel
We beg for love
I guess we beg for hate
We beg for everything
And pray it's not too late

What everybody's tryna' feel
I guess we're tryna' heal
Everybody's got to kneel
No way to reinvent the wheel
Everybody's got to
Stand up on their feet
Everybody needs a dream
When the spirit gets too weak

[c h o r u s]
So when your spirit gets too weak
When the water seems too deep
When you think there's just no way
I'll be there for you night and day
When the mountain
Seems too steep
When your spirit gets too weak
When you think there's just no way
I'll be there for you night and day

We beg for happiness
We beg for tears
We beg for courage
Just to overcome our fears
We beg to rise above
And hope we never fall
We beg for everything
And pray He hears our call

What everybody's tryna' feel
I guess we're tryna' heal
Everybody's got to kneel
No way to reinvent the wheel
Everybody's got to
Stand up on their feet
Gotta be there for your brother
When the spirit gets too weak

[c h o r u s]

Although the road is rough
And sometimes you feel
Like it ain't enough
We'll be there for each other
We'll find the way


God will help me win, cuz he knows I'm living, not dying, I'm LIVING! And no one can stop that...

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