Saturday, November 3, 2012

It's all about fear

I've heard it over and over again. Men asking why women constantly turn down good men because "they aren't ready to date" or "aren't dating at this time". It's a perfectly good question, and I know that I have an answer. Only one answer, and one that only applies to me, but I think some might agree.

As a Christian woman, I know I have been told over and over again that I need a man. I've also been told I don't need a man, all I need is God.

This is the constant dilemma I live with.

I am told by women in the Church, friends that are dating or married, by movies, music, so many different people, that I need a man to be happy. I know that one day, I do want to be married, it's a desire that God has placed in my heart. But I also know that I want to be content being single. I don't want to be dependent on someone else for my happiness, because then I am not living up to MY purpose that God has given me. My happiness should be based on myself, my loved ones, and God, not just on a relationship.

So, in turn, sometimes I want to just push away any guy that shows any interest in me. Is that wrong? Yes! Of course it is! But it's my effort to not get caught up in a man, and losing my sight of my own walk with God. I am so terrified of becoming dependent on someone to the point that it's not healthy.

I become paralyzed with fear.

I get caught up in the fear of what ifs that I forget to let someone have a chance, and allow God to work in my life.

I am learning still, just like everyone else. I know I need to give guys a better chance, but I also know that there are some times when I really am not ready for a relationship. That doesn't mean I never will be, it just means that at this very moment, I need to walk the path of a single woman. And I will continue down that path until I am truly content with being single.

And men? We women need you to be patient with us. We know it takes a lot of courage to ask us out, but if we say we aren't ready, then just remember, one day we may be ready. Give us time. And seek God. He will give you the timing you need. Try not to get too discouraged, or become too bitter. We aren't trying to hurt you, and often we know you are hurt, we just don't know how to react to not make the situation worse.

As brother and sisters in Christ, we need to remember that we do hurt each other, but we don't always mean to. We need to remember grace, and take everything as a lesson. One day we will find our princesses and princes, and it will be perfect. In God's timing, if we stop trying to control everything, and let him take over.