Lust... It's Not Just for Men...

Sometimes I wonder if people are really honest with themselves...

Seriously...

Since when are men the only ones who are full of lust? I think often we push lust off onto men, saying they are so full of it and make them seem like horny messes, and forget that lust is a universal thing. Men, women, gay, straight...

We've all lusted after that cute older guy in our class; or that actor who embodies all we think a man should be (.... Ryan Reynolds *cough cough*). So then why do we not address what can be hurting our pure hearts, our relationships, our lives as living as single women?

Here's the deal. I am incredibly lustful. Most of my friends know this is something I struggle with. I have dealt with horrible nightmares involving sex and lust since I was about 7 or 8, and it's awful. Why? Because I want to be pure. I want to not hinder my brothers in Christ, including the significant other in my life. I want to be able to not feel dirty.

Yeah, I may not have physically done a whole lot to "ruin" my purity, but NEWSFLASH, purity is more than just a physical thing. It's very much emotional and spiritual. This is something I've been learning for the past few years.

I've been thinking about how awesome I often feel a Christian guy is when he looks away from the TV screen when something like a Victoria's Secret commercial comes on. Some of my friends and I look at the guys in our life and say "Thanks!" and then try to help distract them with some sort of conversation to help out. But then I was thinking about women...

Yeah I like to have those girl's nights when we sit around watching movies with "hawt guys", and making comments on which one we think is the most attractive. But then I started to think, wait a second! How can I, as a Christian sister, tell my brothers Hey thanks for not goggling that half naked woman on TV and then turn around and goggle at some half naked guy. Wow. I feel like a hypocrite.

But seriously ladies, let's look at this for what it is, lust. We are lusting after that attractive, toned, adorable, funny, etc. guy on TV. I think it's about time we own up to it and realize, it's poisoning our hearts. I'm not saying that when an attractive guy suddenly pops up on the TV half naked that you should freak out. But maybe we should stop and think Ok well, yeah he's attractive, but I'm going to try to not stare at him or chatter away at my friends how I want to just eat his face off. Don't let the lust overtake you. Because it most definitely can. And it only brings guilt and that desire to have that perfect bit of man candy rather than the man God has in store for you.

And as for that man God has for you? He'll probably be far more attractive because he's the spiritual leader in your life and loves you for you. Isn't that what we really want?

Thou hast killed the inner child...

Dost thou realize that thou hast killed the inner child?

I had this fantastic dream when I was younger of marrying some British royal, be it Prince or Lord or really anything, and moving to Britain, living in some small mansion with a wolfhound laying next to the fireplace and writing in the land of Faeries...

Sounds quite unrealistic doesn't it?

But isn't that the beauty of dreaming? To dream of something so out there and wondrous that your heart leaps for joy at the very thought of something so spectacular. Something out of a fairytale, out of some movie. Something out of the ordinary that makes you smile and think you have something to look forward to, to work towards.

And yet...

I feel like so often as we grow into adulthood and the inner child get's stomped out of us. We are told that we are too old to keep having foolish, childish fantasies. That we have unrealistic views of life. That life isn't always happy and grand and it doesn't always work out for the good.

Then why live? Why dream at all? If we are so encouraged to dream big, why do they get crushed when we arrive at that moment where we might be able to finally reach those goals.

I wanted to be a spy. I wanted to live on a thousand acres ranch. I wanted to dance in New York City. I realized on my own that these may be unrealistic, that they may be impossible, that they might be unreachable. But, isn't that the point of big dreams? To push us to reach higher and seek things that seem impossible? To not settle? Isn't that exactly what all the great artists, inventors, and great people we know did? They dreamed the impossible, and achieved the impossible.

Why then do we work so hard to kill the inner child? To destroy the part that allows us to have imagination, to dream, to create? Shouldn't we help to build our children's dreams into something fantastic and amazing and perhaps a bit crazy? We don't need to encourage children to try to be a dinosaur, but shouldn't we try to help them build and advance towards dreams that could be a reality?

Yes, they may fail, they may get hurt. But isn't it better to be there with them saying, "I know THAT dream didn't work out the way you planned, but God has many more in store for you. Let's build a new dream, or tweak this one. Keep dreaming the impossible"?

Dost thou realize that thou hast killed the inner child? Dost though know that thou hast tried to kill the dream of impossibility?

To Love...

"Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." 1 Cor. 13:6 & 7

I have been learning and thinking a lot about love, and what it means to love. What it means to love like Abba loves, to love how he intended us to love. To love means to look at someone in their humanity. To look at the imperfections, and the flaws, and the sin and not judge or hate, but look and see the pain that hides behind the scars. To see that pain and think, "I know what it feels like to be ashamed, to be angry, to be beat down and broken. To lie there bleeding begging for someone to notice. Begging for someone to notice. Begging for someone to understand. See f we stopped being so selfish and stopped thinking so much about how we've been wronged, we'd realize that all we ant is someone to understand us, and more than likely...

We'd realize that there's someone right there, right next to us, who knows what we're going through. Who stands with us through it all, even when we are hurtful and hateful and seem UNLOVABLE. They hold us and pray for us, intercede on our behalf, and see us not only for who we are right now, but also for what we are meant to be. That, that is what LOVE is. Not this pesky thing where it's conditional and based on what you can get from a relationship. It's not about control or pride or trying to change someone.

We have perverted love. We have destroyed it and crushed it and caused it to be something to be despised. Caused others to be pessimistic about it, and hearts to be broken over and over. We've caused love to be used as an excuse to throw judgments at people, to be replaced by lust, and to become a thing of faerie tales. And people deny "true love" exists, because when things get tough, we harden or hearts and say "I never loved you." or "I've fallen out of love." Because loving someone hurts.

I wish others would see that pain isn't always bad. That it's okay to feel, to love. We've just lost how to love. That's it! We've lost how to love. And we've lost how to love others well. We've lost the meaning of love. Or perhaps it's that God is Love, and God is incomprehensible, and thus "true love" is incomprehensible to us as humans.

That is what God is teaching me, to Love better, to Love well. To not let hate or anger or hurt get in the way of the Love that God wants me to share with the world. The Love that He shared with me first.